The front door technically opens and closes just fine, but since we don’t have a key for it, well, there’s that. The screen door (no longer a storm door because half of the glass is missing) has to be kicked open and closed, which we wouldn’t except the mailbox is hanging right there beside it.
The nice solid pine doors on the coat closet, which match the solid pine walls in the dining room/office, open just fine, but neither will really close. The hinges are too thin, pulling the doors back open as soon as you close them. Best Beloved comes in to push them closed once in a while, just in case it works this time. It doesn’t.
The door to the basement, isn’t. There is none. There is a door to the rear vestibule; er, entry; er, step. But between that and the back door (hmmm . . . opens and closes just fine; ta-daa!) there’s a little landing, and one side is the steep stairs to the basement. The little one requires an adult to stand in the opening when she walks through, because she’s scared of the great big hole. So I guess across from the only door that really works properly is the worst door in the house: none.